“Growing up means a lot of your friends aren’t your real friends”
I read this quote somewhere and I totally agree with this. I always thought of being able to hold onto long-term friendships, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that couple friendships I had been clinging onto just didn’t make sense anymore. Not all friendships last forever. For me, it’s heartbreaking to even think about that, but I know it’s a reality, sad truth, right? It’s part of this so-called “adulting” (growing up) stage of life.
Just because people hang around with you, laugh with you, and share stories with you that doesn’t mean they’re your friend. Friendships should have been the easy thing. You can have as many friends as you want, be friends with everybody around you, but finding REAL friends is the toughest part.
1. It’s OKAY To Have Your Own Life.
During our younger days, we always want to be with our friends, playing together, going to mall together, doing things together. As we mature, we realize that it’s okay to grow up and have your own life, to have your space, to be private and to keep things to yourself. Having your own personal life doesn’t make you less friendly. Sometimes, that’s even a good sign because when you see each other, you’ll have countless stories to share.
2. Hardships Reveal Who Your Friends Are.
Have you ever felt so down? Besides your family, who was there for you? Family problems, relationship problems, depression, whatever circumstances, your true friends will NEVER have second thoughts of comforting or visiting you. They will NEVER leave you broken. Trust me, you’ll be thankful when you find friends like that. Having friends like that will make you feel better.
3. Cherish What You Have.
Busy working? Studying? You only speak and hang out few times a month? Cherish it anyway! Whatever moments you have with your friends, whether it’s just an overnight slumber party, road trip, tea time, movie date or just talking to each other over the phone, cherish it anyway. It feels so much better knowing you still talk to your friends despite your busy schedule.
4. Learn to Let Go of Unhealthy Friendships.
Yes, it hurts. But some relationships are only for a season. Other people won’t stick around forever but that doesn’t make you less you. It’s part of “growing apart”. Sometimes, relationships just fade and some friendships are NOT meant to last. Accept it because you’ll meet other people, which led me to the next realization.
5. You Have To Allow Yourself To Make New Friends.
Hello! This world is too big for you to not explore. Make room for new friends! Allow yourself to explore and spend time with others! Make connections too! This might be helpful, who knows, you’ll meet your soon to be business partner, bridesmaids or best man! The more new friends you make, the more you realize that growing up is much more enjoyable.
6. Honesty is STILL the Best Policy.
You’re not in high school anymore, lying is NEVER right. Just because you have some errands to do, feeling lazy or you just don’t want to talk or hang out with anyone, that doesn’t give you the right to lie to your friends. Be honest and tell them that you’re not in the mood to go out, you’ll talk to them tomorrow, or that you’ll hang out with them some other time.. just DO NOT LIE. We all know that lying will ALWAYS make things worse than it already is.
If you want to be a true friend, you have to be TRUSTED. Your friends should know that their secrets are safe with you, that they can trust you with anything. Being honest is way better than losing your friends because of your unreasonable lies.
In line with honesty, you also have to be straightforward. Being a true friend means you have to be open to each other, if there is something wrong with your friends’ attitude, clothes or anything, you have to tell them nicely. If your friend offended you in any ways, you have to talk to them and tell them.
7. People Pretend Well.
You should learn how to choose your friends wisely. Think before sharing your personal life stories with the people around you. Remember, NOT everyone around you is your friend. Don’t trust the people around you easily.
8. Life Is Too Short To Worry.
I used to smile and enjoy the company of others who I know are just badmouthing me behind my back. I also came to the point where I always worry what other people will think of me. I’ve become paranoid because everyone is watching. But, I came to realize that life is too short to be stressful, to be worrying about your “frenemies”. If you know someone has nothing nice to say about you in your absence, what is the point of being friends with them? I’m telling you from experience, ALL fake friendships are just a waste of time, they’re NOT worth it.
9. Communication Is ALWAYS The Key..
..to a successful friendship. It doesn’t matter if you don’t see each other as often as you like, as long as you know in your heart that they’re still your friend and if misunderstanding and problem arise, communication is always the solution. You don’t have to badmouth each other, posting against each other on social media (this is too childish), you have to TALK and solve the problem.
10. And Lastly, LESS is More.
Having few close friends will always mean more than having hundreds of casual ones. With your few close friends, you can always be yourself without worrying that they’ll criticize you, you never have to worry about whether they like you or not. You already know they do! I realized that having a small group of friends is probably one of the best things for me.
Try to ask yourself this:“Would you rather have 3 friends, you can really depend on? or 40 friends who see you as being disposable?”
While writing this post, I thought of an answer to that question. Here it goes, if you’re gonna ask me that when I was younger, I’d say that I would rather have as many friends as I can. But when I entered college, I realized that having that many friends leave you vulnerable to hurt, and pain. Having many friends means more people will have the chance to say something bad behind your back.
When it comes to having friends – I have about 3-5 friends I talk to on a daily basis. Do I need more than that? NO. Those 5 friends are like family to me, my brothers and sisters from another parents. I would take a bullet for them. My life will not be this fun if they were not part of it, they’ve been with me through thick and thin, even in the darkest moment of my life. That little group is all I need to be happy, thankful and feel contented.
Since I have my small group of amazing friends, I don’t need to have more superficial friends. I don’t need all those toxic people who say they are going to be my friends, but when things get tough, they run away.
I realized that, when it comes to having and keeping friends, keep one thing in mind: “Quality Over Quantity”
One of the best parts of growing up and being in your 20’s is that you start to discover yourself, you start to realize the things that you have never realized before, and start to come to conclusions that you never thought you would come to. Friendships do have their own growing pains. Seeing and speaking to each other every day does not define real friendship. Facing the challenges with the people around you who truly love and support you, make you smile, and bring absolute peace to your life can be incredibly easy if you let it be.