Okay, let’s talk about L O V E.
Not just any kind of love, but one of the most important kind of love…
S E L F – L O V E
Loving yourself first is one of the most meaningful life lesson I have learned in the past months. I think the idea of self-love is kinda complicated at first because you know the worst parts of who you truly are. We think of our flaws that are probably not existing in the eyes of other people. We carry our shame, guilt, insecurities, memories, longings, and other thoughts everyday. Sometimes, it’s easier to turn to another person or some thing to escape the negative feeling or thoughts we have inside us so we can, at the very least, like who we are.
All I can say is that no one will ever make you feel complete except yourself by loving and embracing who you truly are, this include accepting your mistakes, imperfections and flaws and yet still appreciate what makes you, you. Nonetheless, self-love isn’t about being selfish. It doesn’t mean choosing yourself first to the point that you become self-centered, or loving yourself so much that you have a limited amount of room for anyone or anything else.
My previous relationship ended months ago and honestly, I realized that in the years we’ve been together, I was neglecting myself, I was so in love that I always put other people’s happiness first before mine. I think, this is normal to some people everytime they fall in love, and that includes myself. Because for me, when I love someone, I tend to love them more than I love myself. I tend to invest more and give my 101%. Well, at least that was a lesson learned for me. I was so in love that when the relationship was over, I had no idea on how to start over and to be the normal “Bianca” like before, I forgot how to make myself happy without depending my happiness to other people, I had no idea on how to love myself again. I have forgotten how it feels to like to take care of myself, to love myself without reservations. I was always thinking too much, of things that wouldn’t matter years from now. I was an over thinker and slowly getting brainwashed by the society’s standards of being “beautiful”. I was made to believe that in order to have that self-love, I needed to be the most beautiful or perfect as I can be.
Honestly, moving on, getting over and saying goodbye to someone who I thought was going to spend the rest of my life with was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The past months have been a roller coaster experience for me, but at the same time it was also a road to discovering new things with myself, for myself. I have realized that I am a stronger woman than I could ever imagined. I have found out more about myself and how far was my limit, how far I can be pushed than I ever thought was possible. I knew I had to wake up everyday and continue my life and I’m okay with that because I know I deserve better. I think when you already know your worth, that’s the time you can enter any romantic relationship with anyone because for me there’s no healthy relationship is built to stand on an incomplete foundation. I am now healing and I’m not going to lose sight of love, instead I will work on myself until love finds me again.
“The consequence for theabsence of self-love,is losing yourself to peoplewho don’t love you either.”– Meggan Roxanne
I have realized that the right person will cross your path when you are ready, when you are focus and busy loving yourself right. Sometimes, it’s when you least expect it. You just have to believe in yourself. Actually, self-love isn’t hard to find. You don’t look for it elsewhere. The best kind of love isn’t the romantic type, or the love you give and receive from family, friends and the people around you. The best kind of love is the one you find while soul-searching, something that takes time to be discovered. It’s the kind of love that fills you day in and out, but is still just right. It’s the kind that makes you love and appreciate yourself more and more each day. It’s the kind of love that feels right, and makes you look forward to another day. Something that will make you say “I am enough”.
When you love yourself, you’ll know how and when to say ‘NO’ to the things and people who do not contribute to your growth, you’ll know how to stand up for yourself when needed, you’ll learn how to do things for yourself without seeking permission and help from everybody else, you’ll be able to find real joy in loving yourself, you’ll understand that putting you first is another way to love others better, you’ll learn how to forgive yourself for the stupid decisions and mistakes you’ve made before, you’ll give love a chance, take risks, go on adventures, follow your passions, do the things that are good for you, the things that give you peace and real happiness.
Loving yourself first is not a crime, standing up for yourself is not rebellion and taking care of yourself is not selfishness. Come to realize that you, and only you, can control the choices and actions you make everyday. We are responsible for our wellbeing, and for the fulfillment of our goals and dreams. Understanding our own worth means knowing that NOT everybody will be able to appreciate it and when we make decisions, actions, sacrifices and all, that’s all on us.
Honestly, I’m no expert on self-love. In the 23 years of my life, I have taken a number of wrong turns, did stupid decisions and mistakes in my life (which I believe that we all are), but I’ve learned that self-love is about the willingness to learn, experience, and take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings, and actions completely.
During this journey, there were times when I felt alone but I realized that I am blessed enough to feel sad and alone, thanks to my family and friends. Surely, there will be tough and soft days (mostly tough days, tbh) but it’s one of the healthiest thing every person should indulge in. Now, it’s time for me to just love on myself and do the things I love for myself.
Self-love is built over a period of time with the right state of mind. But, it’s all worth it. I’ve come to believe that our greatest life lesson is learning how to fully accept and love ourselves. It’s finding something to celebrate and feel contented with, even when you’re imperfect—because being imperfect is normal.
The best kind of love is always found within. I think this is the best gift I have given myself with. When you have an unconditional love for yourself, other people can see it and they will respect and appreciate you more.