Why I Chose Him?

People usually ask me why? Honestly, I couldn’t figure out the answers until I started writing this post and it was something I kept on asking myself for the past months, until I slowly realize these reasons..

I chose him because he makes me laugh,
even when I don’t feel like laughing, even when I don’t think I can,
even when I feel like crying,
even when I had a very rough day.
By just being in it, he makes my toughest days lighter and my darkest nights brighter.

I chose him because he loves me,
even when I feel like I’m not lovable,
even when I’m being my annoying self,
even when I have anxiety and being moody, he still loves me.

I chose him because he tells me I’m crazy, but still loves me.
I chose him because I can be my weirdest self when I’m with him.
Together, we can be our true selves spending whole day just watching netflix, playing board games and goofing around but still enjoys every minute of it.
I chose him because in his arms I find peace, I feel secure. His hugs and kisses take my anxiety, fears and worry away.

He’s not perfect, to be honest, he’s far from it. I have never imagined that I would fall in love with him.
He’s one of the most stubborn person I know,
he doesn’t listen, defensive and doesn’t take blame most of the time.
There are days when he can be extremely close-minded, impatient, moody, lazy, and annoying.
There are days when I don’t feel like he pays attention to what I’m saying and pays more attention to this phone and other things than to what I am saying and sometimes I feel like he doesn’t care on how I feel at all, there are days that his OC-ness with everything drives me crazy, he can be a total pain in my ass and sometimes, I feel like being with him can be really stressful and exhausting.
But as days, weeks and months went by, I learned to love the little and big things I hate the most about him.

Acceptance is the key when you can’t change something.

I believe none of us is perfect, but I know we can all change for the person we love. We can try to be a better person for them. We’re all entitled to change for the better.

Even when there are days where I want to strangle him, cry out loud, and give up, at the end of the day, he’s still perfect for me.
Because us, being together makes everything seem perfect. I find peace and true happiness by just us, being together, worrying about nothing.

I chose him because I wouldn’t want to experience life changing things without him.
I chose him because he’s him and I love him.

I chose him, and I will continue choosing him. today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow for every good and tough days for the rest of our lives.

We do not really know what the future holds. But I do know some things, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I know you, I know how I feel about you and I know how I feel about us.

I know you, and despite all these noise and chaos, I know there are things you may need that only I can give you, there are things that only I can do to make you feel better.

So here are my promises to you..

There will be days when you will find yourself drowning in some situations that you won’t feel like talking about,
There will be days when you question yourself and wonder why things are happening that way.
I promise to stay by your side and carry the baggage with you until you are ready to share it.

You will look at yourself and be furious,
I promise to let you look into my mirror so you can see what I truly see in you.

Surely, there will be days when you feel like you’re pissed at me,
I promise to stay calm despite all the harsh things you say to me, whether your words are hurting me or not, I promise to stay beside you and listen to what you are saying.

There will be days when you look up and realize that you are lost, sad and depressed.
There will be days when you will feel weak,
I promise to stay strong for you. I will never get tired of trying to make you smile.
Remember what I always tell you, I would always stand still for you, by your side, everyday.
I will never move so you’ll find me, waiting beside you. I’m gonna keep holding onto you.

There will be days when you’ll feel like you want to come to me for forgiveness. You might want it right away, but we both know it’ll takes time as long as you ask for it sincerely.
Keep in mind that I will always give it to you because I love you so much and your happiness is my top priority.

There will be days when you’ll be late and feel sorry for making me wait. But watch because I already stopped time for us.

Happy Anniversary to us, Love.

I love you with all my heart and all the bones in my body.
I promise to let you go if that’s what you want, if that’s what will make you truly happy and I promise to stay by your side when you need me, I promise to hold you in my heart forever.

People usually ask me why? Honestly, I couldn't figure out the answers until I started writing this post and it was something I kept on asking myself… Read more "Why I Chose Him?"

An Open Letter to Someone Who Came at a Wrong Time

I wasn’t expecting for you to come into my life the way you did. It was sudden yet at the same time, it was exciting. Before you, I wasn’t looking for love. When love found me, I wanted to look for another thing. I was looking for someone who’s willing to take every risks and chances for me, to be with me. I wasn’t looking for someone who can make me feel special, but I found you. We were never technically in a relationship, but we weren’t just friends either. We both know it was something “more than just friends”. So it’s kinda like we got stuck in the middle of the confusing area of being almost in a relationship, but not quite.

You have the kind of look and smile that can make my heart melt, that can make anyone feel special. And I hate it, I want you to smile just for me. I want you to look at me as if I’m the one made for you. I want you to hold me in your arms as if it’s our last day on earth, like there’s no tomorrow. I want you to see me as the one you’ll always have a thing for, as someone you’ll always love. Because that is how I see you. I always wish that I could stop the time every time we are together.

“Sometimes, you don’t know where you stand but you know that everything feels so damn good, you settle with that instead of the stress of an actual relationship.”

I don’t know where it all went wrong, or if it ever really went right. I thought and hoped that what we had was something that will last for a long time. I want to thank you, because you have helped me realize some things that I should’ve realized it before, how to open up, how to be vulnerable, and how to move on from things and people who are not meant for me.

Thank you for not being so emotionally attached. As I look back, I don’t know if you really cared for me the way I care for you. But, because of this, you taught me how to care about a person wholeheartedly & selflessly, without needing unwavering reciprocation.

You said and did things to make me happy, feel special. From then on, I knew I fell for you. One day, I met you and fell for you. The best thing is that you fell for me, too. It happened so fast and I woke up from that dream. I woke up and realized that I can’t be with you, that I can’t have you and it’s not because we don’t love each other, maybe because our timing wasn’t just right.

Thank you for acting like you were going to become my boyfriend and acting like you wanted me to be your girlfriend, for acting as if we were actually going to start a “real relationship”.

Thank you for making me believe that the connection between us was something real and meaningful. Thank you for making me believe that you actually liked me, for making me feel loved even for a short period of time.

Thank you for bringing that smile in my face that I haven’t seen for a while. Even for a moment, I felt like I was enough. Thank you for loving me, for showing me that my heart is still capable of feeling something. Thank you for giving me the courage to opening it back up again, and to take my chances on love again.

We were both scared and had doubts. I’m scared of the past repeating itself. I’m scared that one day you won’t feel the same way, that you will disappear. You were scared of lot of things, too. I had doubts and thoughts that I chose to ignore and avoid just enough to let you in and find out for myself.

I became attached to you. I don’t know if you were even worried about me; you knew I wasn’t going anywhere. You knew that I’ll always be here. You knew that I cared, a lot. I always made sure I was doing everything I could to make you feel wanted, special and appreciated. I put so much effort into what I thought was a future. It was more than enough, but it wasn’t what you wanted for now. I was so invested in you, in us.

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I wonder under in which category you fall into…

The label, or lack thereof, also made you think it was okay to lie and give me mixed signals, by the time you decided this wasn’t what you wanted for now, as if that constituted a break-up in our situation.

Now, if somewhere down the road you come up in a casual talk with other people, you’ll just be “the close friend I had feelings for” You will never be the ex-boyfriend, and maybe that’s a good thing. They won’t know how much I felt in the past months, or how much it hurts to let go, and maybe that will help me to accept it for what it truly was.

Maybe the timing wasn’t right after all, our timing.. Maybe you weren’t matured enough to commit and to handle this kind of relationship. Maybe it was just not meant to be, for now. Maybe years later, we could try again and it will be different. Someday, it might work out the way we wanted it to be.

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I wasn’t expecting for you to come into my life the way you did. It was sudden yet at the same time, it was exciting. Before you, I… Read more "An Open Letter to Someone Who Came at a Wrong Time"

An Open Letter to Someone From your Everything to Nothing, From a Best Friend to a Stranger

“Nothing meant for you will run away from you.”

To The Person Who Broke My Heart….

I’m writing this letter because I have already forgiven and accepted that we are finally over. I accepted the fact that someday, you will be somebody’s everything, you’ll be her world, and will be happy with her attention and love.

I am truly happy now. I hope you are too, I wish you all the happiness that life has to offer, and the best of luck in your future endeavors. I wish you nothing but the best in this world. I hope that, us separating, would be good for the both of us. Although, you hurt me so bad, you helped me grow as a person. After my heart was broken I changed, but I changed for the better. I am now a better person because of you. I am thankful for everything that had happened to us and for you.

At first, when you broke my heart I was devastated. I was so sad that I skipped meals, I lost weight, I went out with friends. I partied so hard, I couldn’t focus on the things I normally do. I thought it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life and honestly, I thought that it could possibly be the worst thing that has happened to me. I saw how you threw away everything we had in just one snap, what we had was real (well, for me). Out of all the people I met and fell in love with, you were the one who I pictured my life with, whom I thought I’ll be spending my future with. Not just any life, but the life I’ve always wanted, the life I dreamed about. You were my dream. You were a blessing, my everything, my world revolved around you.

When it happened, I felt like I didn’t know how to start again without you. It felt like the air around me was limited and it was becoming more and more difficult to breathe. I could actually feel my heart breaking and it hurt so bad. Having your heart broken by someone you truly love makes you realize so many things you may not have realized before. Having your heart broken will teach you a lot of lessons you’ll definitely be needing in the future.

So, to the person who broke my heart, from the bottom of my heart….

Thank You So Much. 

Thank you for making me realize that just because someone says they love and care about you, doesn’t mean they actually do. Actions still speak louder than words.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow as a person. They say that a broken bone, once healed, becomes stronger than ever. Just as I am stronger now than I was before I knew you. I know my worth now and I should accept what I think I deserve (which is a whole lot more than what you were offering). I was able to realize all these things because of you.

Thank you for playing a big role in my life, for all the love and sacrifices. I’ve got a lot of great and happy memories with you that I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.

Thank you for teaching me to stand up for myself. Looking back, what was even worse than you hurting me was me letting you do it. I was blind. In a split second, you changed, and I just ignored it. Everything I had ever felt about you before was just a memory for me now. I’m happy because I already accepted everything, and I didn’t look back.

Thank you for helping me. You were a lot of things while we were together. You made me care about you and believed you that would do the same for me. Our relationship wasn’t always bad. You did make me smile and laugh and I really thank you for that.

Thank you for breaking me and letting me go because I had to rebuild myself and I came out stronger and happier than I ever would’ve been with you. I didn’t think it was possible for someone like you to hurt me as badly as you had. You did it so easily. When and if we had good moments, they were great, they were better than great. Still, I forgive you. You want to know why I forgive you? Because, you’re a 20-year-old something boy. A boy. NOT a man.

Our relationship taught me to know my WORTH so when the love of my life comes around, I will be worth it. Our relationship made me think that if someone is important to you, you should put EFFORT into them. You should RESPECT them. It made me realize that when someone truly loves you, it is SHOWN through words but PROVED by actions. It taught me to give my love unconditionally because the right man will be deserving of it. It taught me that letting you in and trusting you wasn’t the hurtful part but you breaking me was. It taught me to raise my standards for myself and my future relationship because the right man would be man enough and rise to meet them. It taught me how to be independent and love myself more.

“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one that gets burned.” – Buddha

After all this time, I no longer ask myself why, because I know why. I know exactly why. Yes, there were times where I was so angry at you for hurting me the way you did – completely carelessly. But, I don’t hate you anymore. How could I hate someone whom at one point was my whole world, whom I shared so many great memories with? But more importantly, how could I hate someone who made me realize my worth? I know that if I hold a grudge, I’m giving you the power, and I already let you take so much from me. I know that if I don’t forgive you and move on, I’ll be unfair to other people and I might not ever let someone else in.

As much as you hurt me and made me feel like a trash and unworthy to be loved, I still hope that someday someone will come along who won’t make me feel that way. I don’t want to miss out on that because, I went through life allowing you to make me angry for the things you did to hurt me.

In the end, you were NOT a mistake. You were a “Lesson well Learned”, and I am beyond thankful that I learned so much from you, even if it took a little bit of heartbreak to get me here. Life itself is a learning process. We make mistakes, then we learn those mistakes, and again. I learned from you. I learned the painful and hardest way, but at least, I learned. I have good memories with you and I choose to remember you that way, just like I choose to forgive you.

Good times do outweigh the bad, but forgiveness outweighs pain – and I no longer feel a thing.

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“Nothing meant for you will run away from you.” To The Person Who Broke My Heart.... I’m writing this letter because I have already forgiven and accepted… Read more "An Open Letter to Someone From your Everything to Nothing, From a Best Friend to a Stranger"

An Open Letter To Someone Who Stayed

Thank you for being constant since day one, for staying when you could’ve walked away and always being there through thick and thin, keeping up with my mood swings and tolerating my dramas and other stuff. For supporting & encouraging me to do the things I love, letting me be myself when I’m with you, reminding me everyday that I’m still the most beautiful girl in the world, for being my shoulder to cry on & comforting me when I cry. Thank you for being there when I felt I had no one else. For always picking me up when I can’t even look at myself. Thank you for letting me open up to you and showing me the right way to be loved. And lastly, thank you for showing me that it is okay to love again.

I’m a mess, ain’t perfect at all. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you. You have been so patient, caring, supportive, and understanding with me. You always go above and beyond for me and I can’t even put into words how much I appreciate that. I just want you to know how special that makes me feel. The things you do, even little, never go unnoticed. You have honestly lit up my world in more ways than one and I am beyond lucky and blessed to have you.

We don’t know what the future holds, but I just want to say that I will always be here for you. You have no idea how thankful I am. ❤️

 

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Thank you for being constant since day one, for staying when you could've walked away and always being there through thick and thin, keeping up with my… Read more "An Open Letter To Someone Who Stayed"